Bonfire Night

I love the atmosphere at this time of year and everything that comes with it: warming food, hats, scarves, gloves, the cosy dark nights, sitting by the fire etc. However, this day, 5th November has, for lack of better words, a love/hate hold over me. Everyone loves fireworks they are beautiful, romantic, exciting and everything associated with fun. However, the associations with fireworks for me are greatly of contrary connotations. I hold awful memories of my Dad putting me on his shoulders to see the bursts and almighty bangs of colours properly over the sea of tall people in the local park. Of course, he was simply being a loving Dad, aiming to aid me get over my fear, but I hated it. I would duck down and cry until he put me down. Since then, my attitude towards them hasn’t changed. I also have memories of a party at my Grandparents with my uncle setting off fireworks in the back garden yet I stayed in on my own, petrified until I heard the final bang. And relax. Similarly, a couple of years back, my ex-boyfriend’s family threw a bonfire night party in their house and I tried my hardest to stay out and 'ooh' and 'ahh' with everyone else but of course, pathetically at the last second I raced inside, watching from the window (a step further at least!)

I was never one of those children who had no concept of fear. I was scared of my own shadow, literally. I hated swings in the park, to the gymnastics club my Mum took me to (that didn’t last long- tears, tantrums, the lot.) I was even (and still am to a certain extent) afraid of stepping on escalators! Since I’ve got older, I’ve tried to embrace life more and branch out into things I would previously never have dreamt of. For example, I now am no longer afraid of swings, wahooooo (possibly 15+ years too late on this one ha ha ha.) But on a serious note, for me, one major step of stepping out of my comfort zone is this blog. Throughout my school life, I was always afraid to show anyone, even my teachers, my work. As a teen I was forever doubting myself, scared of the reaction I would get. I have also wanted to create a blog for a very long time but again, I was scared of the reaction. What if people thought my writing was terrible? What if they laugh at me? But, growing up has made me realise it doesn't really matter in the end. I decided it was time I threw myself into it and to quote a popular Coldplay song: ‘if you never try, you’ll never know’ (so sorry, this post is cliché city, and now this song is in my head, ha ha grr.) So, here I am, almost a month into blogging and I can truly say I feel like a different person. Sounds completely dramatic, but it’s true. I spend far too much time in my life, creating scenarios and plans in my head that never actually come to light and what is the point in that? Bit of a deep one today but with my oh so ancient pearls of wisdom I bring to you on this wonderful (?!) Bonfire Night a: go for it. Do that thing you always planned to do, but never did. And heck, I may even venture out and set off a firework myself this year... watch this space.